Darth Higgins
by Labysnitch
Summary: Once, in a land not so far away........ There was an Itallian.... called DARTH HIGGINS! There was also a girl called..... THE GIRL! And there were Newseis called...... NEWSIES! This is a story of heroic battles, theivery, and anything but romance!
1. Chapter 1

**From The NML clones, Labysnitch, we bring you this story, that was orignally going to be a one shot, but it turned into a chaptered story. Oh well.**

**Disclaimer: We do not own Newsies or the characters thereof. We do not own Star Wars, or any of the characters thereof. We do not own Power Rangers, or any of the kung fu stances thereof. The only thing we DO own, is this story, The Girl, Mrs. Higgins, and Izzy. Enjoy.**

Once upon a time, in a close by land... there lived an Italian named Higgins….

He was a fairly normal Italian boy, he went to school, ate pasta, came home from school, ate more pasta, ect. But at nighttime, on Saturdays, and anytime the world was in great peril, he got out a black suit, and mask, and became, DARTH HIGGINS!

One bright, and sunny Saturday morning, his friend Jack came over to his house. Jack had no idea about Higgins's secret and thought that he was a mild mannered Newsie.

"HI YA JACK!" Higgins yelled, bounding out the door, and burying his buddy in a bowl of pasta.

"AHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jack yelled, panicking, not knowing that it was Higgins.

Higgins' eyes got big in his mask and he ran inside, then came back out, dressed in his normal news-boy attire, "Sorry...I don't know where that thing came from...but it's locked up now..." Race said, picking the noodles off Jack's shirt and eating them.

"Uh... yeah..." Jack said, looking around as if he were going to be attacked suddenly.

"You feeling alright Jack? Come inside, and let Momma fix you up a big bowl of pasta." Race said, pulling him inside.

"Uh... I don't really like pasta... makes you short..." he said, looking down at Higgins.

"Oh...NO IT DON'T!" Race yelled, feeling that he had been insulted, but wasn't really sure since no one had ever insulted him before.

"Then explain why you and Conlon are both so short."

Race chewed his lip thinking, "Conlon eats pasta? I thought he was Irish..."

"He is, but Skitts and I were spying on him the other day, and he has a shrine to pasta in his closet."

"Oh...cool...I knew there was something weird about him... but anyways, you are already tall, so it can't hurt you..." he said, pulling Jack inside again.

"But I don't wanna eat any," Jack said, trying to get away.

"Oh well. You'll hurt Momma's feelings..." Race said.

"All well," Jack said, getting away and running for his life.

Race ran after him, as fast as his short legs could go, but tripped on his big feet and fell flat on his face with a splat...

Jack kept on running and hid in Harlem. Soon, Conlon came down the road, planning on stealing some of Mrs. Higgins' pasta.

Race's little sister, Izzy, was playing in the front yard with her dolls, and saw him coming, "MOMMA, IT'S THAT WEIRD BALLOON GUY!" she screamed.

Conlon jumped, he had thought that his ability to turn his head into a hot air balloon was a secret only he knew. Mrs. Higgins came out with a spoon in her hand, that was dripping red stuff, like blood, only it was pasta sauce,

"You get out of here, you airhead!" she yelled at him, threatening to throw the spoon at him.

Suddenly from behind, something hard hit Conlon and threw his to the ground, trying to bite him as black hair got in his face.

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! GET IT OFF!" screamed Conlon, trying to get to his slingshot.

"Never fear, I, Darth Higgins is here!" came a raspy, yet somewhat heroic voice, from on top of a building. There stood a short, version of Darth Vader, who smelled like mozzarella and basil.

The girl whom had attacked him, stole Conlon's sling shot, then kicked him and began to shoot at Higgins, but his helmet protected him.

Conlon suddenly turned into a blubbering mess of little boy

"My...my sling shot..…!!!!" he wailed.

Higgins jumped off the building and took off after the girl laughing his head off...which rolled into a gutter. His body stumbled around, arms out, till he found his head,

"Momma was right...I DID need my bolts tightened..." he said, while screwing his head back on.

The girl vanished, and when Higgins turned down an alley, ambushed him from behind.

"AAHHH!" He screamed, jumping and turning at the same time, then took a really cool kung fu stance that he had seen, while watching Power Rangers that morning.

She frowned at him. "You watch TV to much Higgins..."

"Yes...I know..." he said, in his powerful manly man voice.

She raised an eyebrow, "You're a dork."

Darth Higgins fell down to the ground squeaking, "Ahh...Nooo...hack not...that word..." he choked, writhing around on the ground.

"Higgins is a doooooork, Higgins is a doooork." she chanted in a singsong voice.

Before too long, poor Higgins, had shrunk mouse size, and ran off into a drainage hole, vowing to get revenge.

The girl then went off to find more people to attack…………………


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer for Chapter Two of Dath Higgins.**

**We do not own Newsies, or any of the characters there of. We do not own Star Wars, or any of the characters there of. We do not own Power Rangers, or any of the kung fu stances there of. The only thing we DO own, is this story, The Girl, Mrs. Higgins, and Izzy (we also own ourselves, and our personal belongings). Enjoy.**

**Chapter 2**

Back on the Higgins' street, Conlon got himself gathered back up, and went back to Brooklyn. But before he got there, he got his normal weasely smirk on his face, straitened his dorky looking suspenders and stuck a forked stick in his back pocket, so no one would ask what happened to his old one.

But that girl snuck up behind him and stole the forked stick.

"AAHHH!!!" He screamed again, losing himself again and falling apart.

"Oy, you're such a coward," she muttered, breaking the stick in half.

"MY STICK!" he mouth yelled, while his eye balls rolled around on the ground.

She held his slingshot in front of him teasingly. "You want it?" she asked, then held it out over the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge.

One of his arms flopped towards her, "GIVE IT BACK!" he yelled, trying to pull himself together again.

She let go of it with one finger so that only four fingers were holding it over the water.

"NOOO! I'll do anything!" he yelled, but then thought about how fiendish girls could be, "ALMOST Anything..."

She let one more finger go with a smirk.

"Please don't..." he begged, pulling himself together some more.

"Then shave off all your hair." she said, an evil look on her face as she looked at his horrid, ugly long hair that he was so proud of.

Spot's eyes got bigger than his ego, "Like...bald?" he asked in a trembling whisper

Her smirk grew bigger. "Like bald."

Spot screwed his other leg on, and stood up, thinking, 'I can grow my hair back... but I can make a new sling shot too...better than that one...Ohhh what to do?!' he thought.

"Slingshot, or hair?" she asked.

His smirk returned to his face, "Neither." he said, walking off, while tightening his suspenders, so his pants where up around his neck nearly which made him walk like a duck.

She followed him, "Think about it, Spot Conlon, the famous Brooklyn leader with no slingshot... stolen from him by a GIRL. Is Conlon really as tough as they think he is? Soon other leaders are going to try to take over Brooklyn, like Cobra from Harlem..." she said nonchalantly.

"I'll make a new one." he said, but the thought of his precious Brooklyn being taken over...oh my, that worried him.

"But still, others will say that if a mere girl could take your slingshot, then a whole army of newsies can take over Brooklyn..."

'A whole army...EPP!' he thought, "No one will KNOW that a girl took it..." he replied, sticking his hands in his pockets that were around his chest.

"Uh, SEA, they will," she said, breaking into her native language for a moment.

Suddenly, a strange cheesy smell came up from the drain, and Higgins oozed up, in his shiny black suit, with its cool red and green flashing lights, that looked really cool in the dark.

The girl suddenly grabbed Spot by the back of the suspenders and held him over the bridge. "What will it be? Your hair and dignity, or your life?" she snarled, a strange glow coming to her eyes.

"Let him go...NOT OVER THE RIVER!" Higgins yelled, pulling out a gigantic breadstick and waving it at her.

She rose her eyebrow. "What'll it be Conlon?" she asked, catching the breadstick and stuffing it in a passing gentleman (who happened to be the bank president)'s mouth.

"MY BREAD-SABER!" Higgins yelled, jerking the girl back away and thumping her. Conlon just hung there, froze with fear, with little icicles hanging off his nose.

The girl punched Higgins' then pulled a dagger off her belt and began sawing off Conlon's hair.

"NOOO!!!!! YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME A CHOICE!!!!" Conlon screamed, like a girl, and Higgins dumped a jar of his momma's pasta sauce on the girl's head, then ran off, to call his Cheese-Troopers for backup.

The girl went down to the river and washed the pasta off, muttering vile things about pasta in Gaelic before going and finding a new victim.

Spot ran off as fast as HIS legs could go, and hid under his bed in his bunkroom, shivering like a whipped puppy.

The girl pocketed the slingshot, then saw the back of Jack, whom she attacked. (Nice rhyme, huh?)

"GREAT HORSESHOES!" Jack exclaimed, using his hero's favorite expression.

The girl stopped for a moment, "Great horseshoes?!"

He jerked away from her and turned so he could see her, "Yeah...ya know...horseshoes..." he said, looking over her, while pushing his greasy hair back.

"Yeah, I know what horse shoes are..." she said, holding up his cowboy hat which she had snatched off the top of his head.

"Give that back!" he said, leaping for her.

She stepped out of his line of attack though and shook her head. "Nope."

Jack darted at her again, then stood there scratching his head, "What do ya want with my hat anyways? Ohhh...you want it cause it was on my handsome head...don't ya?" he said, smirking.

She raised an eyebrow, "Uh, no. I don't." she said with an expression on her face like she was going to be sick.

"Oh..." he said, getting a disappointed look on his face, "Well...what do you want with it then?" he asked.

"Entertainment," she said, starting off.

"ENTERTAINMENT?!" he yelled, "ITS A HAT!"

"It's getting the things that are entertainment. By the way, I, a girl, stole Conlon's slingshot and cut off all his hair." she added over her shoulder.

Jack's mouth dropped to the ground, and his tongue rolled out. Higgins, who came flying by, dumped some pasta sauce on his tongue and took off after 'The Girl'.

But the girl vanished in the shadows of an alleyway.

"Blasted Butter Beans!" Higgins spat out, when he lost her, then went to look for his Troopers again, since he still hadn't found them……………….


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer for Chapter Three of Darth Higgins.**

**We do not own Newsies, or any of the characters thereof. We do not own Star Wars, or any of the characters, or referances thereof. We do not own Jack's Hat. We do not own Jepordy. We do not own NCIS's Ducky. (Unfortunatly) WE do not own anything related to Power Rangers. We DO own this story, The Girl, Cobra, and The Random Evil Girl.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

The girl appeared in the newsboy's lodging house, now wearing Jack's hat. She crept up to Snitch and stole his hat as well.

Mush's eyes got big when he saw her, "SHE'S GOT JACK'S HAT!" he yelled, spitting cheese everywhere, for he was addicted to it.

"And Conlon's slingshot," she added, holding it up.

"Great Jumpin' Pink Long johns.." Skittery said breathlessly. Cobra, who was lounging in a chair, looked up from under his fedora,

"Interesting...maybe I'll go take Brooklyn over..." he muttered.

"Might be a good idea," she said, pocketing Snipeshooter's cigar which he had stolen from Higgins when he was stuffing his face in Pasta. "I also cut off all of his hair, so he already lost his dignity."

Blink got up, and covered his eye patch protectively with his hand.

"GET AWAY, you FIEND!" said a voice behind her.

"What if I don't want ta get away?" she asked, turning around to face the voice.

David stood there, with Les's wooden sword, "Uh...ummm...duhhh..." he said, looking thoughtfully at the ceiling, "I'll take...history, for 50 cents." he finally said.

"Give me that," she muttered, snatching the 'sword' from his hand. "If you're going to threaten a person with a weapon..." she went over to a hidden closet and took out to broad swords. "At least know how to use it." she said while handing him one (which happened to be the heaviest) and wielding one herself.

"help.." he squeaked, as he fell down onto his face, for the sword was to heavy for his little wrists.

"Ohhh Davey!" a feminine voice squealed from the door, and Sarah walked in, in a frilly pink dress, and bows in her hair (which she had stolen from Denton),

The girl raised an eyebrow, "Did you steal those bows from a couch, Denton, or Ducky?" she asked.

"Oh my..." she said.

"What?"

Sarah looked confused, "Ummm...what was the question?" she asked, then suddenly fell down on the ground, when Higgins came in, and hit her in the head with a frying pan.

"Never liked her anyways..." he muttered, then looked at 'her'. "YOU!" he said

"Yes, ME." the girl said, crossing her arms.

"Gimme back the stuff that you stole." he demanded, pulling out his bread stick again.

The bunkroom got silent as a brick factory

"Um, NO. I don't WANT to give them back."

"Yes." he said, advancing and taking a swipe at her head.

Mush gasped, and choked on his cheese, then fell off his bed, and hit his head on the floor

She stepped away and snatched the breadstick out of Higgins hand, then stuffed it down Swifty's throat.

"Didn't your mother ever tell ya not ta play with food?"

Swifty choked as well, "No...pasta...Chinese...noodles..." he gagged, then passed out on the floor.

Higgins eyes got big, and he stomped his leather clad foot, "WHY DO YOU DESTROY MY BREADSTICKS???!?!" he yelled, stepping back, and stepped onto David's back, who was still trying to get up, but couldn't cause his hand was stuck under the broadsword

"I thought it was a bread-saber." the girl taunted.

"THAT TOO!"

She stuck out her tongue, stole Itey's cake flavored suspenders, and left.

"Me...suspenders..." Itey wailed, for they didn't make flavored suspenders anymore.

Higgins ran after her, tripped over Kloppy, went 'splat', then got up and ran after her again.

The girl seemed to all but disappear...

"Pasta noodles! She has foiled me again!" Higgins exclaimed

"Yeah, I know." she said from behind him.

"AH!" he screamed, then spun around and took his Power Ranger's stance

"You're a moron..." she muttered.

"AM NOT!" he said, and stomped his foot again

"ARE TOO!" she shouted mimickly, stomping her foot as well.

"NOT!" he yelled, then stopped and watched a pretty girl walk by.

The 'pretty girl' turned her head and had three eyes and hair growing all over her face, as well as no teeth.

"AHHH!!!" Higgins screamed and took off running, his red and green lights flashing like mad

The girl laughed her head off, then scrambled around, trying to find it.

Higgins tripped and his head fell off too, and got her head, screwed it on, and looked around, "I love...eeevwybody!" he said in a high girlish voice

The girl walked up and snatched her head off of him and put hers back on. "Shuddup," she snarled, exposing two sharp teeth.

He yelped, "Ok..." he said, backing away and smirking

She slowly advanced on him, a deadly look in her strange eyes. The smirk faded, and he turned tail and ran for his pasta loving life

She went in the opposite direction, and vanished into the night...


End file.
